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Tips for designated drivers

Forget booking in at hotel reception desks, there will be no need to stay over at Premier Inn. You’re the one everyone is relying on for their lift home. You are the designated driver. However, being a designated driver doesn’t always mean just driving your mates back home…it also means you are partly reponsible for their wellbeing and health! That’s why we have provided a few handy tips on how to cope with being the wonderful designated driver that you are.

However, being a designated driver doesn’t always mean just driving your mates back home…it also means you are partly reponsible for their wellbeing and health!

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Hangover Miracle Cure

I get the absolute worst hangovers after drinking ever! I mean the sort that leave me in bed the entire of the next day until at least 5pm, sometimes later, often with 20 plus trips to the bathroom to be sick.

Now you may say ‘just don’t drink so much’ but the annoying thing it, is doesn’t always seem to be down to excessive drinking. Sure If I go out and have two vodka and cokes I’ll be absolutely fine the next day, but sometimes I’ll have 6 vodka and cokes and be horrendously ill the next day and sometimes I might have had more and be completely fine, it’s hard to tell.

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Beware of the drunken texts

Now before we go into the main story, you have to understand that when you are given a company car or cell you have a certain degree of responsibility not only to look after the item but to ensure that is it used within the correct parameters. Would you also believe that this HR software provider, HR Sentry, actually offer a download app.

So for the story and a solid reason to think before you drink and check your text. This guy from Lake Orion in the United States meets up with this girl in a local bar, they spent most of the night chatting and getting up close and personal but due to her friend nothing more came out of it.

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Text terror

The drunken phone call used to be the worst possible way to end the night. Crying down the phone to your ex that you still love them and want their babies, only to realise you dialled the wrong number and are speaking to your current boyfriend definitely puts a bit of a damper on your night out! Of course, if you are stupid enough to drunk dial, at least there is no evidence of the call - it’s your word against theirs after all – but that sadly is not the case with text messages… They can get forwarded onto mutual friends and acquaintances, produced at social occasions and used over and over again to embarrass you when you’re getting a bit too big for your boots!

Luckily, most of the drunk texts I’ve sent in my time have been complete gibberish. Thanks to predictive text, one of the most potentially disastrous texts I sent to a colleague ended up talking about a fuel supply contract, rather than the foul-mouthed tirade I had meant to send! Mind you, the predictive text function on iPhones does bring its own dangers. Normal messages become insulting or dirty, thanks to you being too drunk to copy edit your words, creating a whole new problem with alcoholic texting. I called my Mum a “sodding dandy” in a drunk text once, when I’d meant to ask her about the next day’s Sunday dinner. That’s pretty tame compared to some of the horrendously cringe-worthy messages others have sent to their family, friends and even their boss!

I think mobiles should come with breathalysers attached, and they will stay locked until you’re sober enough to be trusted with them. You could still dial 999 and maybe have access to a local taxi number, but everything else would be out of bounds until the risk of drunk dialling or texting had been at least reduced, if not eliminated!

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Do not get drunk. Here is why

Last week I made the fatal – well not fatal, but as close as you can get to it while still being alive – mistake of caving in to peer pressure. I was with my drinking partners Gary and Steve, and they were standing on a small ledge calling me horrible names in the hope that I would cave in, which as you know I did.

So I went up on the ledge with them. The ledge was about 3 feet off the ground, but due to the fact I had drunk copious amounts of alcohol in the moments before – for courage, don’t you know – when I got up there it felt like I was 300 feet up. This was when the terror started.

I started to cry instantly. Cry booze, probably. But then, this is what you get when it is running through your veins

“Gary, please stop talking about how high up you feel,” I said, making sure that Steve could also overhear me. “And talk about something else, like war heroes or something.”

This was a mistake. Gary works in insurance, and even when he is drunk he loves nothing more than to rant on about things like Military injuries Claims . This he does in his very professional voice, the same one he uses when people call his office. This combination of irresponsible idiot combined with professional insurance hound is mighty uncomfortable to be near. Especially when it feels like you are 300 foot up on a ledge with two mates who couldn’t care less if you fell there and then to your nasty, drunken death!

This was when they sensed my discomfort was reaching its peak and one of them pushed me off the ledge. It was, I don’t doubt, one of the most terrifying alcohol-fuelled experiences of my life so far.

When I landed – which felt like minutes later, after drifting through clouds of doom and despair while screaming NOOOOOOO! – I started to cry instantly. Cry booze, probably. But then, this is what you get when it is running through your veins much more than blood…

I’ll never make that mistake again, I can tell you (or rather I will, but only when this mistake is distant in my mind and something I rarely think about). And if you end up trying to get insurance from someone called Gary, then I suggest you do a runner and get out while you can! The man is a cruel and sadistic fiend, but I have already demonstrated that, I think. You get the message: getting drunk is fine, just don’t do it near a potentially terrifying ledge…

Need more of a warning? See the photo…

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Sharing the Responsibility

Marriage is all about sharing and caring, and this phrase has bitten more than it can chew. Apart from dividing up household chores and financing - the latest is to chalk out whose drinking night it will be. A lot of couples are taking up this option and find it works the best for them. That way, it’s not always one person getting to have all the booze as the other looks on, but both partners can share the fun More

Dancing the conga

Not another crazy drunken story! Yes I am afraid so. It all starts one day whilst bathing in the Spanish Sun at my father’s house, it’s a normal afternoon and nothing special is going on. I hear a voice calling from the top of the drive. Hola! Hola! I get up out of the sun lounger to go and investigate and that’s when I am greeted by this very old Spanish man carrying this strange looking bottle of green stuff. More

Planes, Drinks and Porcelain Heaven

Drinking and flying is never recommended as a positive activity. Despite what you may hear about people having a few drinks on the plane and landing on the other side completely relaxed and happy, drinking just doesn’t end well when you’re 50,000 feet above the ground.

My friend Dave has a fear of flying and funnily enough a love of drinking. He’s not an alcoholic but when he’s nervous he does tend to drink a lot more then he should. More

Don’t drink and work

Might seem like obvious advice, really, but you’d be surprised how many people get inappropriately drunk at work events. I heard about one Christmas party where the bosses had very kindly agreed to fund the bar bill, so long as people only ordered wine and beer or single spirits. When one rather drunk secretary was heard ordering a cocktail and told not to abuse the gesture, she let fly with such a foul-mouthed tirade of abuse in her supervisor’s direction More

My Brother’s most drunken night out!

Me and my older brother have had our ups and downs over the years and even when we’re getting on really well there will come a point when one of us feels compelled to bring up an embarrassing story from the other’s past! My brother (to save his modesty let’s call him Dan for now), has always been a bit vain. He’s a good looking guy and unfortunately he realised this fact from quite a young age. He’s always had More