posted by admin in Uncategorized
Last week I made the fatal – well not fatal, but as close as you can get to it while still being alive – mistake of caving in to peer pressure. I was with my drinking partners Gary and Steve, and they were standing on a small ledge calling me horrible names in the hope that I would cave in, which as you know I did.
So I went up on the ledge with them. The ledge was about 3 feet off the ground, but due to the fact I had drunk copious amounts of alcohol in the moments before – for courage, don’t you know – when I got up there it felt like I was 300 feet up. This was when the terror started.
I started to cry instantly. Cry booze, probably. But then, this is what you get when it is running through your veins
“Gary, please stop talking about how high up you feel,” I said, making sure that Steve could also overhear me. “And talk about something else, like war heroes or something.”
This was a mistake. Gary works in insurance, and even when he is drunk he loves nothing more than to rant on about things like Military injuries Claims . This he does in his very professional voice, the same one he uses when people call his office. This combination of irresponsible idiot combined with professional insurance hound is mighty uncomfortable to be near. Especially when it feels like you are 300 foot up on a ledge with two mates who couldn’t care less if you fell there and then to your nasty, drunken death!
This was when they sensed my discomfort was reaching its peak and one of them pushed me off the ledge. It was, I don’t doubt, one of the most terrifying alcohol-fuelled experiences of my life so far.
When I landed – which felt like minutes later, after drifting through clouds of doom and despair while screaming NOOOOOOO! – I started to cry instantly. Cry booze, probably. But then, this is what you get when it is running through your veins much more than blood…
I’ll never make that mistake again, I can tell you (or rather I will, but only when this mistake is distant in my mind and something I rarely think about). And if you end up trying to get insurance from someone called Gary, then I suggest you do a runner and get out while you can! The man is a cruel and sadistic fiend, but I have already demonstrated that, I think. You get the message: getting drunk is fine, just don’t do it near a potentially terrifying ledge…
Need more of a warning? See the photo…

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